The GI Joe Movie and My Childhood

February 10, 2012

I love G.I. Joe, my favorite Toy, Cartoon, everything … but something tragic happened some 25 years ago

How I remember it … Picture it Ohio 1987 #ephilaPatrillo

The Best thing about the G.I. Joe series was that, it just brought you right into the action … no origin story, no introduction, it was M.A.S.S. Device … here are some people doing something and catch up … boom! It was a grown up thinking- child’s show … you just have to watch and listen and figure out the plot … you saw who was bad, you were allowed to root for who you wanted the whole bit.

The characters fleshed themselves out during the show and throughout the series and they were iconic
Everyone knows Cobra Commander, Destro, Snake eyes, and Duke; Goe fans or not.
Joe fans can point out Shipwreck and Zartan, Scarlet, Lady Jaye, etc etc.
The thing was from ‘Go’ there was a team in place, wasn’t centralizes around one character or anything of the sort

Every episode or mini series, was Cobra trying to do something in an effort to rule the world, didnt even care about necessarily killing anyone or the Joes for that matter, they just wanted to be in power … perfect

Cobra was the leader, Zartan was the free agent, Destro was the weapon’s supplier, Tomax and Xamot were the front men … Duke was the goody-goody, You had the Snake eyes vs. Storm Shadow (And later the Awful Quick Kick) side stories
M.A.S.S Device … Great
Weather Dominator … Perfect
Pyramid of Darkness … Even Better!

then.

Arise Serpentor, Arise …. sigh

First Serpentor was created, this is a casualty of an entire series revolving around the selling of merchandise one, two, the bad writing of The commander forced them to try and come up with a new villain and a bad guy to usurp CC

I wasnt a fan BUT … I like dthe dynamic of Cobra Commander v. Serpentor for power and one who will be the supreme leader

then.

GI Joe The Movie

This isn’t even the live action movie, this is the animated feature that went direct to Video … and later aired with the rest of the show

This is where the disrespect happens, what was once a military struggle with a terrorist organization (albeit with a lotta science thrown in)

We were introduced to … sigh.

Cobra-La

A “secret civilization “ All of a sudden THEY are the reason that Dr. Mindbender created Serpentor (Through mind waves mind you) and now they are running the show

First. WTF? Second. WTF?

Then they introduce NEW Joes: Tunnel rat, Falcon, and Big Lob, and Chuckles … Law and Order too just a bunch of people that were not needed because there were already a ton of Joes (again they needed to sell toys)

So Serpentor gets captured and Cobra Commander is back in charge right? Cool! So now we’re back to the good ol days … military shoot’em ups .. terrorists etc

CC leads them back to (sigh) Cobra-La

And THESE Muafukas are insects with He-Man battle armor!

Third. WTF? and Fourth. WTF?

Now ALLLLLADUSUDDIN Cobra-La has been around for enos and they are ancient and a bunch of other more mess They ruled the earth up until the ice age and some other drivel
THEN they try and pass off that Cobra Commander was a guy that due to an accident had 8 eyes and some shit and the only way the eyes worked right was through that shield on his mask
(Then explain the hood then assclowns)
And his uniform was supposed to help him appear human
(Ummm like the two arms, two legs, hands, feet, speaking voice, and every F’N thing else?)

then.

They turn Cobra Commander into an actual snake.

a snake.
Fifth WTF? and Sixth are you F’N kiddin me? WTF?

The entire series has really revolved around Cobra Commander vs. GI Joe and they make up this shittastic story and regulate my man to a damn reptile?

Then the SNAKE helps GI Joe find Cobra La, we are subjected to Sgt Slaughter and his awful recruits

Serpentor is freed and joins Cobra-LA

then.

Serpentor KILLS Duke! YAY Right? For me it is! an actual GOOD WTF moment
… but Ohhhh no, because the Transformers Movie came out prior and that Puss Optimus prime was killed (Greatest cartoon moment ever) They weren’t going to let Duke die (even though he was SPEARED thru the heart damn near … yeah coma)

Anyway,

All the Joes throughout history, Duke, Flint, Snake Eyes, Roadblock, Hell, Bazooka … who saves the day and beats the big bad Cobra-La?

Sgt. Slaughter.

Serpentor zooms away, Cobra Commander goes down a drain or something

And Duke Survives

Hello … D.I.C series.

Yo Joe and Eff My Childhood

#unappreciation

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  • http://classickmateria.wordpress.com classickmateria

    Wow, I knew you had strong feelings against G.I. Joe: The Movie, but I didn’t realize they were this strong. I share a lot of your sentiments, however. If not for the fantastic opening sequence to the film, this would have been a total disaster.

    Cool photo of the M.A.S.S. Device, btw!

    • http://eclectikrelax.wordpress.com eclectikrelaxation

      Yeah, I felt violated after that movie LOL … I NEED that M.A.S.S Device toy lol

  • http://classickmateria.wordpress.com classickmateria

    Oh yeah, and RIP Duke!

    • http://eclectikrelax.wordpress.com eclectikrelaxation

      Oh no! He’s in a Coma LOL

  • ClaymationWerewolf

    I didn’t have strong feelings about the “continuing adventures” of GI Joe one way or the other but you have totally brought me around to your way of thinking Eclectik. Like a 1980’s Emperor Palpatine you have stoked the fires of hatred in my heart to a white hot rage. Down with the bastardization of GI Joe Nation!

    • http://eclectikrelax.wordpress.com eclectikrelaxation

      LMAO @ White Hot Rage! I appreciate that fam!

  • http://Generalgeekerycast.buzzsprout.com/ JD

    I grew up on this movie, seen it a billion times, but the “grown up” me says WTF to it all the damn time. What in fuck was Hasbro smoking or ingesting to dream up such a trippy mess? LSD is bad, GIJoe The Movie is proof.

    Oh and GENERAL HAWK CRIED! WTF indeed.

    • http://eclectikrelax.wordpress.com eclectikrelaxation

      I just couldnt believe the shat on the entire legacy and foundation of GI Joe for not even a reboot … just to sell some fuktastic toys

  • http://twitter.com/NFCJD NFC JD (@NFCJD)

    I refuse to believe Duke was only in a coma

  • http://www.thekliqnation.com Timdogg

    Ya’ll are gonna get off my boy Duke! He has the heart of an immortal dammit. Nothing can take him down

  • http://regularcatradio@ohio.usa.com BigD!

    Even as a pre teen, I could smell the bullshit wafting off of this cartoon. I mean, the action sequences in the beginning were okay but damn… When it took that left turn into Cobra La… I… I… Hell, I’m still at a loss to explain my thoughts!

    Zartan was my dude!!!

  • Pingback: #unappreciation – Transformers The Movie and My Childhood | Cold Slither Podcast()

  • Dave

    The only part of this movie that I liked was the opening sequence. The opening sequence was epic. If they made a recruiting video for GI Joe, the opening sequence was it. It was all downhill from there.

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