IdoyareallyIdunnoyet

November 17, 2007

What’s the difference between a committed, monogamous relationship and marriage besides a legal binding contract?

Why bother with a ceremony, rings, and all the extraness?

This is why I hear people get married:

Love
I say…You can Love anyone you want without being married (And remember LIKE is King lol)

Monogamy
I say…If they’re going to cheat…they’re going to cheat…married or not.

To have Children
I say…People have children out of wedlock all the time. There’s no telling if a person is better off with both parents or not
Some people aren’t good parents or emotionally there for their child
Who’s to say they’re going to stay together anyway?
Being a Single parent is harder…but it would be worst to stay in a relationship with someone when the relationship is not working

Because you have a child should never be the only or sole reason you get married…and to have a child should never be the only or sole reason to get married.

To share their lives with someone

You can share like a muhfuka without being married…why you gotta own each other?

Forming a Bond before God

So I guess this is where religion factors in:
So does a person’s religious belief determine whether or not you are compatible with them? If they’re marriage worthy?
What about Love? Like? Things in common? Likes and dislikes? Sex?
Because what if a person matches everything BUT the religious beliefs…or doesn’t go to church (me) or ummm…believes in evolution (as dumb as that is)
Does that mean they’re not right for you?
Besides, God knows what you’re going to do anyway before you do it…before you know you’re going to do it.
Being married, wearing a ring does NOT change what type a person you are

To Change their last name
Unless your last name is Stankbritches or boogerface, it’s not that serious.
…and people get married and hyphenate or keep their old name anyway…stop the madness.

To be in a committed relationship
If you think being married is going to do that, you’re stupid and in it for the wrong reason.

The Tax Break
…well can’t really argue with that 🙂

Why not just be with someone…enjoy the relationship the happiness and the daisies!
Push the little daises and make them come up!

Why over analyze the relationship…try to fix it
The “What are we doing?” “The Next step”
…stop fukin with happiness
If you’re NOT happy then leave…cuz you can’t do that after you ‘jump the broom’ lol

I dunno…Marriage is just another one of those things that people are “supposed to do”
Oh
Wait.

Damn, for the record.
I have NOOOOO Problem with people getting married…and I’m not saying I’d never get married either
BUT these are my thoughts, I love playing Devils advocate…and I think I have a legit beef/argument.

I’ll continue…
I’ve said this before:

Marriage is a label these days…just a label
“Wife” “Husband” there’s nothing about calling a person those names that’s going to change how they treat you or react to anything…people are people and will do them regardless.

If they care about you and are considerate and make sure you’re right etc. etc.
They are good people and are going to do that whether you’re married or not
A good Man or Good woman will always be that.

If they are cheaters and liars…they are going to do that regardless.
An extra-marital affair is in the English language for a reason…if they are slime they are slime.

If being married was so magical…Divorce wouldn’t exist

Marriage is a Spiritual Business deal…more business that Spiritual

Love (and like) is what gets you together, and love and like is what’s going to keep you together…A marriage isn’t

…my opinion you’re not going to love a person more or less because you had a ceremony
Why prevent a person from leaving if things don’t pop off right? When things don’t work out?
If anything you should WANT them away from you
Why penalize a person?

And you know what else be that bull?

Before, when, and after you get married; it’s:
Love of my life, so happy, it’s a bond, our feelings, my everything, better/other half…yadda yadda

Things don’t work out?

“I think I deserve X amount and X property” This is a partnership and I want…and he/she can’t have…it’s my house….

Wait. What happened to the love? If things don’t work out, why not leave with what you have? …a prenup? Why dopes that exist if it’s all for love?
…too much; why bother in the first?

People are not suppose to think about leaving or breaking off a relationship but c’mon be realistic…that’s life.

People break their vows and everything they say before God all the time
Why go through the motions?…enjoy yourselves and be happy

A relationship is only as good as what the two people put into it

No ring
Contract
Document
Ceremony
Or Vow is going to change that

BUT!

I’m often wrong (okay not really)
But I’m certain that as soon as “HER” “SHE” 78% of my Dime lines… Zoë, Kristal Marshall, Mya, or Kenya Moore show up
I’ll be all in…Making the perfect seating chart and registering our black asses at Crate and Barrel!
Remember I still have my 2 children names in my back pocket lmao!

Lyrics from Jagged Edge’s Lets get married:

“We aint gettin younger we might as well do this” <—puahahahahaa! How romantic!

Zemanta

http://thek-spot.blogspot.com/ Keli

I do not plan to change my last name. I have had my name all my life and I really like the sound of it. LOL.

If I find that certain someone, I would like to get married. I do not feel the need to hurry up and say I do, but I am not going to lie…I would not at all mind being Mrs. Someone (in theory, because again I am not changing my name). I however, do not need to have a big wedding. I just need me, the groom, an officer of the court, and a witness or two (lol). We can exchange vows in private. I feel that marriage is not about the ceremony but everything afterwards. It’s about your love and your willingness to spend your entire life with that person. Marriage to me is a commitment you make to your best friend to be there through thick and thin, good and bad, share every moment of my life with.

And…

I do need my s/o to have the same religious beliefs as me.

I feel that some people get married, just for the sake of the wedding. It seems that they forget that they actually have to deal with this person for better or worse afterwards.

Interesting take.

”We aint gettin younger we might as well do this”
http://thek-spot.blogspot.com/ Keli

The end of that last post got cut off…it should have read…

”We aint gettin younger we might as well do this”
http://boundbymyhook.blogspot.com erica b.

The thing that bothers me the most when I listen to people talk about marriage and potential mates is that they say they don’t want to argue or no drama. Wake the f**k up! This is the real world, there will be arguments and drama… part of the package. You just have to know how to deal with it and move on.

However, financial security is real… you can’t take a piece of love to the power company and apply it to your bill! That “piece of paper” or “contract” grants you access to the financial portion of the life you share with this person. Say you have a cohabitant significant other… you live together for years, to the point of retirement. You will never qualify to get a portion of the social security or retirement plan… BUT, that “piece of paper” or “contract” will allow you. Or, as a woman, you bare his children — you can’t just pop that last name on the birth certificate… or if he dies, the will not qualify for survivor benefits. Sorry, but at the end of the day, it comes down to money. This is just ‘real talk’… things you have to consider.
http://chezniki.vox.com/ ChezNikiVox

For some, marriage is a religious commitment. However, you cant ignore the legally binding part. When you get married, you become eachothers next of kin, the go-to-person, your children’s second parent… no explanation or asterisk needed, youre it. I do think you need God to stay married, you definitely need the government (state) to get married. Marriage is a legal contract between the couple and the State. If you love eachother, are committed to each other, put God in it… that’s gravy
Sula

The thing I have the hardest problems with is the religious beliefs… Maybe because I am such a liberal when it comes to beliefs and spirituality… Why does something that’s external to you matter so much? I mean we LEARN religion and people do change them. The essence of a person rests on so much more I personally think…

On the other hand, I understand (and for the longest time was in favor of) endocrinology…My grandma used to say “Marriage is hard enough with your kin, why add extra struggles” when one of us will date outside of what’s considered “kin”… It is true that cultural/religious differences may make things more difficult, but cultural/religious similarities do not make them easier either… At least based on my experience… Ending up marrying the Girl/Guy next door seems to be the epitome of Romantism (“I married my High-School sweetheart” comes to mind) … But really how many times did I find that connection in “my” circles?

This tirade to say that as a citizen of the world, I will find it hard to pick my companion based on factors none of us had anything to do with choosing…
http://sarccastikisback.blogspot.com The Sarccastik Photosynthesis

“Monogamy
I say…If they’re going to cheat…they’re going to cheat…married or not.”…truthfully…WORD UP..(posing and everything…ol’skool slang week)..lol…
http://labellanoire.blogspot.com bellanoire

I agree with you to a point. Most everything in our adult lives is a business contract, and marriage is no different except for the fact that there is usually spiritual and emotional connections that go with it (for most people anyway). The business end of marriage allows for tax breaks, insurance benefits, etc and that’s what some people are attracted to.

For myself, I’m not hung up on becoming Mrs. whoever as long as I find someone that I share a mutual love for. If the rings are part of that, fine. If not, thats fine too.
Creem

I dunno, i wanna get married but i dont want to cheat! yeah im a woman and i said it. what if my husband decides he doesnt like sex anymore, am i supposed to live the rest of my days without it? if we’re not married i can easily leave. What if he decides working is for squares? am i to support him for the rest of my days cuz im his wife. People do change after they get married and it isnt always for the better.
http://www.dariustwilliams.org Darius T. Williams

Hmm – Let’s get married by Jagged Edge – so appropriate!
http://blog.myspace.com/lovesjanuari januari

I agree with you…but as for getting half..it is fair, like if I got married and got a divorce…I should get half our things… not his things or my things…but our things…most people just lose that and think it means his or her things…but really in a relationship, what I walk in with, I’m leaving with…what he came with …he is leaving with…and everything else we acquired over time, we split half…we got 4 kids..his ass is raising two of em…cause I’m only taking half… (the well behaved half of course…lol) … but really I think women get married just to be able to invite all your friends and enemies just so they can see how cooler you are then them as women get married to compete for the most beautiful wedding and that is it.
SCARLETT

“Love
I say…You can Love anyone you want without being married (And remember LIKE is King lol)”

LIKE IS DEFINATELY KING……..
http://drawn2words.blogspot.com shai

I have my reservations about myself getting married but not for the reasons you stated. I have issues with the traditional roles of marriage and the pressure it seems to put on women. That is a whole anotha issue.

I have to agree with Erica B.

I find most who say marriage is just paper is copping out. Really if you love someone what is wrong with marriage, especially if you are living together for years, sharing finances and so on. What is wrong with making sure if something happens to you, legally, your loved one is taken care of. You can make wills and other contracts, however, the marriage contract seals the deal so much better.
Plus what is so wrong with making what has everything but the legality?

Let’s face it love don’t pay the rent, or allow your mate to have benefits if your mate dies. Finances are important, it is being real.
http://lavendersquirts.blogspot.com DivineLavender

I have mixed emotions and logic about marriage. When it is beautiful and admirable…I want it. Of all the married men that I been their mistress….I don’t want a marriage. Then again, being smart and making sure you have an air tight contract that protects your finances and business is just plain smart nowadays.

Humans change and when you are married you could grow apart, then what? What if your husband develops a drug habit? What if your wife brings home the clap and HIV to you? What if your child is born without hands? What if you fall in love with your best friend? What if your mate no longer has the vest for life they had in the beginning? What if you decide that you want to leave all the modern day life for roughin’ it in Uganda?

I mean dayum if you are married…then what?
If you aren’t then its easy to say…..Bye!
eycre8

Tax breaks? I have not witnessed this just yet. I guess that shit comes with joint property, home ownership and shit like that. For me, it was the promise to HER and myself that I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. None of the other stuff factored into my decision. Yeah, you can have the “commitment” without the ring and paper…but then, its just a promise. I feel that the severity and reverance you put on marriage determines its importance. This from someone that saw his parents married 20 years outta 22 and grew up understanding that that commitment was paramount. So, its not always about the periferals, sometimes its right in front of you. “I DO not want to be with anyone else the rest of my life. I DO mean this so much that I will commit legally in this land to such an agreement as long as you feel the same. ” Sharing that, meaning that, making it LEGAL in the eyes of the land is why I got married.
http://shesopinionated.com B. Good

Diggin’ your blog. Its very groovy, baby.
http://abitofeverythingbymizjj.blogspot.com/ MizJJ

Marriage as an institution has evolved over time. The reasons for doing it have changed as well. I think that marriage is a real commitment in my mind whereas the rest of it is just playing around. Just my two cents.
dejanae411

Lyrics from Jagged Edge’s Lets get married:

”We aint gettin younger we might as well do this”
http://ninamm.wordpress.com NinaMM

It means that his ass ain’t rollin’ out without givin’ me my just due. That’s what it means. LOLOL
http://www.phillysandrea.blogspot.com Philly’s Andrea

This is deep. Some good points and some argumentative points that only a single man or women would think of. Marriage is something that the two who are doing it will only understand. It’s that wanting to become one and doing anything to get just a little bit closer and through God you can succeed that want. But I guess on a religious person can feel me on that one too.
cmj_69

I’m often wrong (okay not really)
But I’m certain that as soon as “HER” “SHE” 78% of my Dime lines… Zoë, Kristal Marshall, Mya, or Kenya Moore show up
I’ll be all in…Making the perfect seating chart and registering our black asses at Crate and Barrel!
Remember I still have my 2 children names in my back pocket lmao!

One day I HOPE you will find her so this will remain true for you. Ur too nice of a guy.
http://leonsays.blogspot.com leoninatl

My parent’s have been married 28 years, much of that spent arguing ad nauseum with each other because they are always trying to get the last word all the time. As a result, I’ve been VERY careful about the woman I want to be my wife. My parents have been jocking me about why I haven’t gotten married yet, and truth be told, I really am not trying to be married anytime soon. I’m can be a selfish ass when I want to, and I know that ain’t gonna cut it when it comes to jumping the broom.

But It’ll happen in due time, so whatever. LOL
http://thebrownspoon.blogspot.com Roddykat

(warning: possibly cryptic tone ahead. No malice or ill will should be felt because of the following statement)

Interesting post. True words being spoken. You can look at it like this:

The best reason to get married (as corny as it may sound) is because you want to. Outside of legal and sometimes religious reasons, that’s about it (depends on the person of course).

You can also ask yourself these questions:

Why do I watch the shows I do?
Why do I like the team I do?
Why do I (dis)like the things I do?
Why do I want the person I do?
Why do I want the things I want?

Etc, Etc. When it all comes down to it, it could be simply because that’s what you want. Sometimes a cloud is just a cloud(if it seems that this statement does fit, think on it a minute). Or, there is the other thought:

If you have to ask why to do it, you may not need to. People do or like things that may not seem right to others, but still it goes on. Others may not understand, but that may not ever happen or it may never need to. Life holds many mysteries, my friend.

“Take it from me, Mr. T” 🙂
http://eclectik-relaxation.com/ eclectik

I apprieciate all the comments…i have the coolest and smartest readers ever

I agree HotRod…ur right I give you this…

I think all major life decisions should make logical sense 🙂
http://minusthebars.blogspot.com don

Damn good post. I read it twice.

And probably the bluprint of why I am not, and probably will never get married.

Monogamy
I say…If they’re going to cheat…they’re going to cheat…married or not.

To be in a committed relationship
If you think being married is going to do that, you’re stupid and in it for the wrong reason.

Love (and like) is what gets you together, and love and like is what’s going to keep you together…A marriage isn’t

This ish is better than Oprah…lol
grownnsxc

“You can’t take a piece of love to the power company and apply it to your bill!”

Truer words have never been spoken.
Arianna

My 2 cents is that although the traditonal sense of marriage scares the shit out of me…(being legally bound, the wedding ordeal, the in-laws, kids, mortgage) seems like a package deal…all that stuff (umm except for the ring and honey-moon 😉 . But, still, the thought of having a husband is comforting 2 me…that closeness to someone u’ve found and love, and one day say to yourself “damn, I wanna b with him/her forever” that is just amazing…cosmic even…NOT “I guess I’m getting older…you’re here”, “my parents want me to”, “I need a financial stability”, or “weve been together a long time so…”, “I cant do better than u” etc…U might as well file ur divorce papers after the wedding.

Great post E…all comments too were some real thought provokin shhit.
marinate

wow……makes you think about marriage in a totally different light. I still want to get married though. I want all “extras” ahahahahahhaha!!! I will invite the e-d board too…you coming?

Have to respect your opinion though. Sometimes I question the whole production myself…..ehhh!
http://www.rethots.wordpress.com rethots

First, i’ve always believed in the superiority of like to love.
Anyways…..marriage.
Hmmm..it changes not who people are. “If they are cheaters and liars…they are going to do that regardless.” et al. But, from another angle, marriage’s about the committment, being there one for the other. Uhmmm, i love this, a great idea.
No need to defend the institution anyway, ’em that comprehend not its essence; nothing you say can change it.
http://www.rethots.wordpress.com rethots

I always believed in the superiority of like to love.
Marriage…..it changes not people??? “If they are cheaters and liars…they are going to do that regardless.” However, marriage is about commitment, being there one for the other. Uhmmm, sounds an interesting idea.
Be that as it may, to ’em that believe not in the marriage institution, nothing said can change there thots.
lovnlife

There’s a character in “He’s Just Not That Into You” that sounds just like you. You have to see it so we can discuss on the board.