Coming on the heels of why The GI Joe animated movie totally disrespected my childhood I realized the other important 80s property in my life/childhood The Transformers was ALSO ruined and done in by the animated movie in the 80s … this movie was SO bad that The GI Joe Movie had to be released straight to VHS
Anyway, I figured I’d get my #unappreciation for this ipecac out of the way and do another post sooooo….
Transformers The Movie as seen by eclectik –>
The fact that Spike is on Cybertron off top is offensive … the introduction of the humans as characters was annoying from the jump
I never quite understood why the Transformers couldn’t return to Cybertron
… then at one point I thought Cybertron didn’t exist anymore
The ONLY good thing about the Transformers movie (The only Transformers movie) is Optimus Prime dying
He got BLASTED!
I remember being in the theater LAUGHING … people were pissed but I thought it was Hilarious and WELL overdue
Annoying: Through the whole first season of Transformers, has anyone ever heard of “the Matrix”? No? Exactly.
But now alladasudden it’s important, it’s inside of Prime and he’s passing it on … sheesh
I did like how cold hearted the decepticons were in the movie over the cartoon, when Astro train ran out of fuel they were like welp …and dumped the gimpy robots lol
… even Megatron (What I did NOT like)
Annoying: Unicron (Who knew or cared about Unicron) The Finished Death Star Galactus Gave Megatron and the rest of the dumped guys new bodies so they can destroy the alladasuddin important matrix
Why not just make him Megatron again? OH! Wanted to sell more toys
… this was the equivalent of turning Cobra Commander into a snake for me … you’re getting rid of icons like they didnt matter
And the character design was asstastic! … ugh!
… some damn “Galvatron”
The Sweeps? Scourge was a cool name … Cyclonus? Sheesh … Skywarp it was Skywarp!
Scourge was Thundercracker … also a dope name … also racist lol
And the Sweeps all looked the damn same! C’mon!
So then the Awful Autobot Kup (Just why) and Wack Hot Rod are caught up on the planet and this Kranix is squealing about Uniclown … that’s why he was fed to the Sharkticons
Anyway, The Quintessons Some 5 headed Robo Squid … that was so wack they didnt even get a damn toy!
… just saying this movie was a cash grab, made only to release new toys … and they didnt even get made … feh.
Anyway, these blowhards sentence these other two ass clowns to robotic shark death (And why are there robot sharks?)
But OH NO! Grimlock comes and reasons the Sharkticons
… (yes Grimlock. the F’n MENSA Bot) to go against the Q’s and lets the other autobots break free
Oh and then Wheelie just happens to find a ship so they can bounce (sigh)
Dope: Ultra Magnus gets DONE by the Sweeps … I’ll admit that was nice
… thats what he gets
Annoying: Alladasuddin Hot Rod shows up and The Junkions repair Ultra Magnus and gave them a ship … even though they were about to kill them
The Autobots have some excellent persuasion skills
Galvatron starts to act like Starscream and wants to go against the guy that gave him life …
Unicron transforms into a Gigantic robot the size of earth to attack Cybertron (Why didn’t he do that in the first damn place)
Galvatron shoots at Unicron (for whatever reason) and pretty much gets eaten by Unicron ((sigh))
Everyone tries to take Unicrown down, and fails … Wack ass Hotrod crashes a ship through his eyeball? ugh
Now alladasuddin The Decepticons and Autobots are working together … INSIDE of Unicron Wack Hot Rod finds Unicron and they work together … then Unicron controls Galavatron WHILE HES INSIDE HIM ((sigh))
But ooooh no, Somehow Wack Hot Rod fins this all important Matrix and He has the touch … he has the f’n power to unleash/open the Matrix and destroy Unicron
… not before it turns him into Rodimus Prime (What a name)
He tosses Galvatron into space … recuses ALL of the Autobots from inside uniCORN before he blows up (Cuz they were inside his body mind you)
The Autobots win … they run Cybertron again, taking down the decepticons
… oh and not to be out done, what orbits the planet as their new satellite?
ha. fn ha.
Why this movie totally disrespected my childhood:
- They killed off the damn near every character I grew up with for the first two seasons of The Transformers
- They tried to force feed me new characters that had no personality or were so similar to each other it didn’t matter
- This Matrix has been there all along? Why hasn’t it ever been mentioned? Why wasn’t Megatron after that? Woulda made more sense!
- So … Humans can just rock on Planets and Moons like that? Okay.
- They tried to reset TF by having galvatron have all of Megatron’s memories and making Starscream possess Scourge … HEY they coulda just left it the hell alone!
There’s a reason why Season 3 is universally known as the end of the Transformers
… cuz of this. fukn. movie.
ALLLLLLL That being said, this movie is LIGHTYEARS better than anything Michael Bay has done to the franchise, while I was insulted and annoyed by “Transformers The Movie”
The 2007 Transformers felt like anal rape.
But Still .. This?