Tales From the Cube: Do your damn Job

June 19, 2013


When you’re at work

Do your job:


Not someone else’s job.
Stop worrying about what other people are doing.
Going “Above and beyond” or “helping out” is fine AFTER you’re done with what you are paid to do.
If you’re an Admin and you’re in the kitchen cleaning, or in the stock room fake getting supplies just because people are in there talking and you’re nosy; who cares that you put the Tupperware in the dish washer and found where all the missing staples were.
…where’s that letter you were supposed to be typing at???

Community food is not an option for me:


I don’t care who you are, you brought cookies and brownies from home?
Do you reaaallly think I’m going to eat those shits?
Who knows what you have going on in that awful home of yours?! Mixing, and then that little germy kid of yours digging up his nose on some “lemme lick the bowl” or your old ass cat done jumped up on the counter and is flickin dander all up in the Nestle toll house mix…people is nasty.

Candy at people’s desk for others to reach their big clammy nasty-ass meat hooks in one after another.

Then when the whole office is sick the next week it’s like  “Yeah it’s going around”

No it isn’t you nasty ass buzzards, ya’ll grimy.

Perception of power:


Look at me
Just because you walk all hard and fast, and got a office-issued smartphone …yo ass aint important, go sit down somewhere.

Close your door if you’re going to be on speaker phone
Don’t nobody want to hear all that…you’re not important…you’re not getting anything special done; you’re annoying.
(Unless you’re arguing about some personal stuff, that’s always funny as hell!)

.. Otherwise pipe down

…you know what you should do? Next time crank some Public Enemy or NWA…that’ll do the trick.

Listen to me


Stop talking so damn loud and hard…putting extra bass in your voice so you sound authoritative…shut up, talk regular.

…you know your laugh is annoying as it is, stop making stupid ass jokes that only you laugh at. Not only am I held hostage by your attention needin’ ass, then I gotta hear that awful laugh and I have to fake crack a smile like it’s amusing?
Go get some of that community food and get sick.

Office chatter:


I don’t mind people talking at work…but damnit

Not all day
Not about the same thing
Not right outside my office or cubicle
Not all loud
And most importantly not about stuff I don’t care about or that’s embarrassing to you 🙂

• I don’t care about your child unless I ask…and guess what? I’m not asking.
• I saw the game, but you don’t know anything about sports so stop trying to relate/get in good with me.
• I don’t care that it’s their last day…I didn’t talk to them while they worked here.
• No, I don’t want to go to happy hour; I don’t want to talk to you sober; imagine what’ll happen when I’m Niiccee!
• If you’re going to talk, fine talk…but get away from the copier IIIIII’m actually working.
• Ohhhh nice, you brought your son in…oh look he’s fuk’n up shit…how cute.
• I don’t want to sign their birthday card, I never liked them.
• YOU wrote it, just because YOU can read it don’t mean I can!

For the record, I LOVE my job…my job…what I do.
Says NOTHING about the people that are there. 🙂


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  • http://gravatar.com/alleyviper alleyviper

    It’s like you jumped into my head and wrote out my thoughts!
    I hate work functions, period.

    If the food doesn’t have a wrapper that I can’t unwrap, I’m not touching it. (oh and it’s my hand sanitizer, not yours. I use it to sanitze my hands because you have swamp ass. Don’t use it, matter of fact, don’t look at it!)

    Great post.

    • eclectik

      Hell yeah!

      And they just dont understand … and get out of my personal space and stop asking dumb rhetorical questions
      … and restart your damn computer before you ask me to “Fix” it!

      lol thank you sir

  • http://twitter.com/ShareefJackson Shareef Jackson (@ShareefJackson)


  • @JuggernautLB

    DO you work at my job on a different floor? I just want to do my 8 hrs and go home. I don’t want your pot luck with the cat hair and animal dander for flavor. Plus, I see you you leave the bathroom without washing your hands. No, I am good and happy birthday but I don’t want it.

    This was good.

    • cmumps

      I agree with you came into work today behind a thirty co-worker always speaking on how muchhe has and the toliet is all shitted up- I just think you nasty ass. I really hate some of my co-workers they are like stray cats lack confindence and are very nasty. Lord just help me make it through this fucking shift.

      • cmumps

        by the way thats * thisrty lplease excuse the miss spelled words just very up set I will have to wait to use the bathroom until morning so i can go down stairs.

  • http://None Tricia

    So hilariously Real! I just can’t with people at work.

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