Geek Royal Rumble

January 22, 2016

Because I miss Underscoop Fire’s 80s Pop Culture Character Royal Rumble

I decided to put 30 characters together on screen … and the order that they will enter the event, you tell me; who comes out on top?


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  • Obi Brown Kenobi

    cena always wins

  • HowardTheDeck

    Superman and Hulk at #1 and #2 are brilliant, a starting combo we haven’t seen the likes of since Ax and Smash made it an all-Demolition Rumble start. They equalize each other for 2 minutes, until Daredevil is quickly dispatched at #3. Wonder Woman helps Superman eliminate Hulk but then they stare each other down for a Hogan/Warrior caliber spot. Just as they come to blows Batman drops down from the rafters Sting-style for the biggest pop of the night.

    By the time we get to entrant #8, it’s Justice League vs Skywalkers until the Marvel faction grows as Luke Cage and Thor get each other’s backs in what is starting to amount to Attitude-era gang warfare. Snake Eyes enters and battles gallantly but his Arashikage training is no match for gods, aliens, power rings, The Force, etc. He-Man enters and goes right for Thor, as the match continues… until…


    The ruler of Apokolips alters reality and eliminates every one not only in this Rumble but in every Rumble that has ever happened, thus crowning him the Royal Rumble grand champion of all forever. Gamora, Lion-O and Iron Man enter at #s 14, 15 and 16 but are dispatched by the demi-god upon their respective entrances. Who will save us from the unforgiving rule of Darkseid?

    BRRRAPADOOO!! Hustle! Loyalty! Respect! Eliminated!!

    What, you thought John Cena was going to win AGAIN?

    The buzzer sounds for #18 but no one appears. Darkseid chills with his feet up on the turnbuckle and checks his wrist in an obvious homage to Stone Cold Steve Austin.

    #19’s time comes, and The Clown Prince of Crime arrives with Deadpool, who must have been #18. Wade Wilson seems to have formed an allegiance with The Joker, two of the most innovative and creative minds in the game.

    Wade enters and is immediately shredded by Darkseid’s Omega Beam, but just as he disintegrates the Joker hits ‘Seid from behind with the Reality Chair, a new weapon designed exclusively for WWE-style comic book fights. Darkseid is imprisoned in the seat of the steel chair, forever banished to the Seat Zone to deal with the asses and farts of all who sit upon his face.

    Wade uses his healing factor to counter the effects of the Omega Beam, and he and the Joker meet in the middle of the ring for a Mega-Clowns handshake.

    From there the ring fills up until Juggernaut enters at #25 and cleans house. Flash, Wolverine, Black Panther, Rambo and Nightwing enter as 26-30 but are eliminated by the Juggernaut, as they are not able to present a united front and team up to eliminate the formidable mutant.

    Juggernaut thinks he has won until we see the Joker roll from under the ring where he had been hiding, never having been eliminated. He hits Juggernaut with the acid flower, stunning him and sending him toward the ropes. From the other side of the ring Deadpool pulls down the top rope, allowing Juggernaut to fall (blinded by the acid) over the top to his elimination.

    Bah Gawd Deadpool and Joker were hiding under the ring the whole time! They shake hands again at which point each of them tries to turn on the other, but predictably they were each prepared. The action comes to a halt as they discuss the option of going as co-winners, or one of them bowing out with the winner’s word that he would split the winner’s share (which we know wouldn’t happen). The Dukes of Double Cross stare at each other from opposite sides of the ring for 45 minutes, the crowd stunned with disbelief and boredom.

    Just then, the referee attacks Deadpool from behind, choking him out and eliminating him. The ref peels at his face, revealing a rubber mask, and underneath.. the Joker! The other Joker in the ring was a body double.

    “HOW MUCH FOR THE PLASTIC SURGERY, EARL HEBNER?!” exclaims a confused Wade Wilson, remembering a WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event angle from the 80s. Wilson looks around for Ted DiBiase, confused, and then films a spot for Deadpool, in theatres February 12.

    • eclectik

      MIGHT be the greatest comment on this site ever …. What a swerve!
      I need to copy this and post it elsewhere
      I just know Rambo would last longer
      Least you didn’t have Vader force levitate everyone out of the ring

      My favorite was Juggs … he lasted as long as he could

    • Mr. Serious

      you should probably just copy and paste this over to USF for a new blog post.

  • Jason G

    I’m going with Optimus just because he’d be the heaviest to lift over the top and by that time, of bank on Thor and Superman being out.

    • eclectik

      HA! I don’t know … Im sure Supes and Hulk and throw a Semi out

  • Mr. Serious

    The picture of Rambo is perfect. He has that, “What the hell am I doing here” look on his face.

    Cap wins.


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