Is Sex important or no?

October 25, 2006

Some people say Sex isn’t as important as the other things in a relationship and I agree…BUT it’s almost like saying personality is more important than looks; it sounds good…it’s the right thing to say but it’s not what actions imply.

Most of the time people have sex before they get a true sense of what a person’s personality is like (Hell sometimes before they know a person’s last name…) BUT
You have to try ‘em out first before you make any commitments…you don’t want to be stuck with someone that can’t do the…well…’ do’


You don’t want to wait too long before you get naked, what if you’re sheet compatibility is off?

What if they like to pull hair?

What if they don’t ?

What if they hate to get on top?
What if they don’t know what to do once they’re up there?

What if they smack ass too hard?

Or not at all
What if the Oral skills are Torrific (Horrific and Terrible)
…but you’re digging everything else…you don’t wanna be stuck with bad stickin do you?

If you find someone that gives you everything you need but the ass is trash can you stay with them?
Of course you can say ‘well we’ll work on it…together we can improve on that part, the other things you can’t fix’ true, but what if no matter what you do…what you try…somehow the stroke is just ‘off’ …the positions just never get ‘right’?

Do you cheat?

Do you get out of the relationship?

Do you get a bunch of toys and/or a strong hand? lol

Eventually would you resent the person that’s NOT doing their thang to your thang? LoL
Or is sex not that important?

Maybe it’s not…maybe it’s not that big of a deal
If it’s NOT important, then should you care if your significant other sexes someone else if that’s all it is (because you suck at it)?
Or if it’s not that important, then is it acceptable to never have it? You know it’s going to be trash so why bother? …but wouldn’t you eventually miss it?

Does size matter?
What if the guy is the greatest boyfriend ever but he’s hung like Poodle Puppy? 🙁

Do men really want a virgin?
You don’t want every session to be a lesson…then you gotta worry about them wondering what other men are like, since they’ve only been with you. :/

…BUT you don’t want to settle down with a Super Hoe either LOL!

Personally I don’t think I could ever be with someone who had a ‘no sex till marriage’ type of mentality…that’s a no go
(For me, for others it may work and hey, do you …or rather don’t…no I guess if you’re waiting you have no choice lol)

…some people want to abstain becuase of past issues/past relationships…been used…haven’t had any good scootage…or just simply don’t like it…I say “Bah – phooey”

…others have ‘rules’ they don’t have sex until THIS date…or they wait until whenever…or a no sex on the first date policy…BAH…do what you feel, do what feels good…be grown. Waiting till a certain time or a # of dates to do what you already want to does nothing but cheat yourself

(uness the man/woman are total assholes or jerks and make that obvious before you get naked…you saved yourself from a ‘wtf did I do that for?’ moment…but that’s life)

I dunno…I love sex, it feels great! Only 2 things could be better?

Football and Shopping 🙂

For me, it’s more important that I find the person I’m with ‘sexy’, over how good they are in the act; because if I find them sexy…it wouldn’t take much…sexy skin, legs, arms….mmmmm


You know how people that you would consider “unattractive” that’s still sexy somehow?
(Serena, Shawnna, Adele Givens, Toni on Girlfriends *Though I find her outstanding*)

ANYWAY back to the topic…

Is sex that important?

How important?
Do you have rules?

  • The Goddess

    I’m first. Woooo Whoooo! Ok, now that I got that out the way…..
    For me sex is very important. As much as I try not to be shallow I think it would be VERY difficult to be with someone for the long haul if they couldn’t satisfy me sexually and if I weren’t attracted to them physically. Yes, compatibility, love, trust and all that other stuff is important, but I NEED “sheet compatibility too.”

    “Sheet Compatibility” Haaaaaaaa. That was great. I’m going to use that all the time now. Leave it to you to come up with something so good.

  • Sangindiva

    Well I must agree- sex is important.
    Of course it takes a few tries : ) to find the rhythm
    that suits you both, but to NEVER have it… well that’s all bad.
    I think alot of people try to be “PC” about it- to not seem shallow-
    but wack sex makes for a wack relationship…
    The funny thing is one person can get rave reviews from someone
    else and for you they could be the WORST ever. I guess it just comes down to
    personal preference.

  • DivineLavender

    Sex IS freaking important to me…up there with breathing, eating, and sleeping-A BASIC. I thought maybe I had it wrong.

    The best man that I ever dated (Mexican, never married, educated, funny, no kids) was the NICEST and most respectful men I have ever been with in my ENTIRE life. We didn’t have sex on the first date (Respectable). The second date I let me kiss me and rub on my breast. HE (insert the unthinkable here) in his pants. We both were fully clothed and in the living room. I gave him a year and a half of pity sex. I keep thinking ‘well he will get better.’ I will communicate with him. I bought movies, toys, lingerie, new foreplay, desensitive condoms, creams, lotions, and PRAYER. I broke up with him because he could not and EVER satisfied me. I cheated the entire time…I was faithful for a month.

    I tried the personality is more important than sex-relationship theory and it is lame. I lied to myself and deined myself of an full adult relationship that includes intimacy, loving making, doin da nasty, and physical pleasure for BOTH people. As a grown woman I have needs that if not meeting met why even bother?

    I want sex early so I know how much time to either invest or how quickly to move on! I want to be 62 riding my cowboy like I was 23!

  • tenacious

    Sex is very important to me. I mean I need a sample before I decide to just stay with you so I agree with you on many of your points.

    I give a three strikes and you’re out if I think ur kinda wack in bed and in those three if I dont see somewhat of an improvement holla back son. I am very vocal in what I like and what I don’t like, I don’t like to feel like I’m coaching a man but sometimes you just have to let a man know that umm maybe that technique is not the best

    I mean you dont have to gnaw on the clit, I’m just saying, I mean it’s not a piece of grisle(sp?), not a tough piece of meat, it’s a sensitive piece of tissue. Gawk helps the last woman who sat through and suffered through that.

    but whatever.

    Sex matters. Period. Damn a good personality sometimes. I know woman who are with no good men right now….but that nigga is sure holding it down in the bed room.

    As far as rules…I don’t think I have any. I tend to go with the flow. My rules pertain to once we’re in the bed room and that’s usually just no hair pulling, no anal of any sort, and none of that weird nasty shit. We’re not role playing R Kelly here…no golden shower or dirty hail going on over here.

    @ E

    HaHaHa you think you’re funny huh. Rebbie huh? The unknown Jackson. Screw you.

    Ah the co-worker, I’ll have to tell u about that whiny heifer later. Yet another cying spell for her.

  • Keli

    No, sex is not as important to me as the person’s qualities.

    Sex is important within a relationship. However, I truly feel that if all other things are aligned that you can work on the sex. You should feel free to communicate your likes and dislikes with your partner. I think that if you are comfortable with your self and with your relationship, you will step outside of your comfort zone to please your partner, ultimately pleasing yourself.

  • tjeanise

    Hell Yeah sex is important. I used to be one of those people who said that sex was not everything ..that was until I got a sho-nuff good piece!!

    I was married to someone that couldn’t make me c– for nothing in the world. I spent 5 years trying to guide, coach-totally making myself miserable!! Never again!!

  • Ms. Confessions

    In my opinion/preference I highly value three things in a relationship and I will not compromise on the following: Honesty, Open line of communication, and sex. (no particular order)

    Sex is extremely important to me. At this point in my life I don’t care to in engage in mindless sex sessions, but I do require a great physical relationship. Seriously what is the point in having a relationship, if there’s no good physical chemistry? Good sex to me stems from being in sync with your partner (mentally), so it’s not about just sexing anyone.

    I won’t get the opportunity to know what a great guy you are if I don’t have any physical attraction to you. I’m not going to spend time getting to know you if you’re unpleasant to look at…LOL

    Once I do sample the goods and it’s all bad, we’ll have to make the transition to “platonic” friends. I don’t have the patience or the tolerance for bullshit any more.

  • Isha

    It’s becoming more important to me now that I figured out that I CAN ENJOY IT TOO…Whew…what a lesson. There was a point where eeeehhhh. Could live with our WITHOUT it.

    I believe in talking about it BEFORE so that you can learn your partner, they can learn you, you can TRY to vibe based on your knowledge of them and vice versa.

    Me, I’m more into the things that lead up to the bedroom. The romance, the 4play, the mind/word games that can be played that last much longer than the actual act. Love to say and do those things that have him thinking and grinnin’ AFTER the act and keep him looking forward to the next encounter. But wait…I’m telling too much.

    I believe that you can learn to please your mate if you just listen, pay attention and ask questions to what he/she is saying. Yeah there are those who are just BAD all the way around and I don’t know what to do with them, but for the most part the intimacy of the relationship is everything that happens outside of the bedroom. Those are the things that give you shivers in the middle of the day.

    But hell…all that and I STILL would not try it with the “Horny African” again. The man had the rhythm of TWO left footed drunk white people! lol

  • Darbs

    Ditto the Diva…seriously, I agree wholeheartedly! Sex is very important in maintaining a happy and healthy relationship….for me, atleast!

    And BTW…where in the world is E. Relaxation? For real, I’m starting to get a complex! LOL

  • eclectik

    @ Goddess: Yes First LOL, Sheet compatiblity is hot right? 🙂

    -SANGIN! The Rhythm…but of course!? And you’re right that PC ish gotta go…be grown and real.

    DL: I already knew LOL! Not Pity Sex though!

    ‘Nacious love . com: 3 Strikes though? No foul balls? LOL!
    ..and I am funny :p

    @tjeanise: Not ‘Hell yeah’ LOL damn MArried and couldn’t get her out? Sorry 🙁 LOL@ Guide and coach

    Ms Confessions!!!!: True indeed, gotta have that sexual chemsitry!

    Isha Isha: What happened to let you know you could enjoy it too!? TWO left footed drunk white people thought?! puahahaha

    Darb-a-licious! I agree with you! And I’m here…just not as much as usual (Work is a muh fuka) Where you been1?

    …Good to see I’m not the only one that thinks the way that I do…atleast on this subject 🙂

  • http://http//

    my rules:
    no anal, no choking, and definitely no golden showers!

    I once dated a guy who bit me! this mafu&!@ was too wild 4 me. (lol at the gristle comment)
    I just can’t get intimate w/ someone until I feel comfortable with them. my quickest ‘relations encounter’ was 2 weeks and it was well worth it. we were an 20 on a 1 to 10 scale in the sheets. we were together for 3 yrs after…
    *I still miss and love him*
    in my opinion, people have sex to quick and don’t get to know the other person. I’m not saying wait until marriage, but maybe that’s why there are so many baby daddies and mamas floating around. maybe I’m just old school in my thinking?

  • beautyinbaltimore

    I think sex is very important. To bad I have not been with anyone who can rock my world yet.

  • beautyinbaltimore

    I think sex is very important. To bad I have not been with anyone who can rock my world yet.

  • 911

    uuummmmm……hell yeah dood.

  • http://http//

    *had to come back 2 this thread*

    Personally, its like having to pick the lesser of the 2 evils. I either have the guy with the official sex but has a gutta attitude or vice versa. I haven’t found any men w/ a balance.

  • http://http//

    *had to come back 2 this thread*

    Personally, its like having to pick the lesser of the 2 evils. I either have the guy with the official sex but has a gutta attitude or vice versa. I haven’t found any men w/ a balance.

  • SimplyPut

    Well personally, I think sex is the ultimate confirmation. . . Like if you can withhold sex ( I know mean, right?) and still be romantically involved and feel electric currents when they look at you, touch you, or just get close. . . then good sex should follow. . . and if not you can always teach! it’s kinda fun

  • SimplyPut

    Well personally, I think sex is the ultimate confirmation. . . Like if you can withhold sex ( I know mean, right?) and still be romantically involved and feel electric currents when they look at you, touch you, or just get close. . . then good sex should follow. . . and if not you can always teach! it’s kinda fun

  • HuDuchess

    Sex is important – but it shouldn’t be so important that its the one sole thing that’s holding the relationship together. Nor should it be used as a vice or as a weapon of manipulation. As far as rules, i wouldn’t say that I have flat out rules like, “must wait x amount of weeks, must do xyz etc, etc”. But i do find it important to have that chemistry right and to know the person a bit. I’ve been in the situation where i got too intimate too soon and truly regretted it later.

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