Why are Relationship Titles so important?

February 23, 2012

So, I have this thing about “Titles” (Not really but for the sake of this post lets pretend shall we?)
Women say, that it’s a cop-out for guys to say they don’t do titles…and for some (prolly most) men that could be true. For me? I just say that the “title” in the grand scheme of things means nothing and it’s no more than a mental thing for women

In regards to relations/Relationships with women

Treat me how I treat you…that’s all I ask

A title is a peace of mind for women that they shouldn’t need…that shit aint magic. I hear that “Boyfriend/Girlfriend” is a commitment and clearly defines a relationship

What im saying is “Clearly defined” means nothing without actions….
I’ve seen people get treated like pure trash in a relationship and treated like the shit without the label…and vice versa

Looks attract…personality keeps…actions maintain

Call me anything…call me pork chop lips; if you treating me the way I want to be treated I’m good

I think its part of the idea that things do change after the label happens….as far as the relationship and how Im treated
…even how Im supposed to treat; meaning things were fine and now alladasuddin there’s a host of things that they ‘never liked’ that now has to happen because of the title

What kills me is…”Boyfriend/Girlfriend” shows a level of commitment okay…..
Then why do you want to get married? “It’s you showing you’re committed”



Treat you right, not being intimate or emotionally attached to anyone, being around and dependable….what does that have to do with a title? Are you incapable of being that to someone without calling it something?

“So why NOT give it a title then…if you can be all of that and etc.? Why should it matter?”

Because Boyfriend/Girlfriend are made up words/terms…they mean nothing; they’re like unicorns that’s why! lol

I think I’m more annoyed and stubborn over it…If a person lists the important things they want in a mate and you provide them and it doesn’t count to them unless they label it…that’s annoying.
More so (for me) it’s not that title but I just want people to understand and realize the word or title or label is not magic, it doesn’t change anything about the relationship or how either of them will act

People will be people and do what they want to do regardless…the title means nothing… the actions are way more important

A woman wants to know “where they stand” and says that titles show “A level of commitment”

So I say it boils down to it’s in the females head.
Id say Im single…isn’t it true that you’re single till you’re married
So, boyfriend/girlfriend…still “single” no?

eclectik theory:

You cannot control another person (Nor should you want to) the title or effort in getting a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife from an already decent relationship seems…kinda extra…there are more important things.

If you’re happy be happy.

Why try and “upgrade” the relationship or turn it into something else?

It ultimately doesn’t matter what you call each other…whatever is going to happen to you two is going to happen

Having a “girlfriend” is not going to make them nicer, cooler, sexier, more faithful or less annoying
Having a “wife” won’t keep a woman from doing what she wants

Same thing on the reverse

If anything it seems to harm the relationship more than anything else
Why fix working things?

I think women need to get out of their heads sometime.
I guess the question is why does the woman “need” or “want” these things…what changes in her mind or heart?

I hear the argument that if you’re just “With” someone without a title the relationship becomes stagnant

What is stagnant?
What changes after someone says “you’re mine”…when in every sense of the word they’re not

Me? I don’t get into that whole “possession” thing…That’s my girl…That’s my woman…you’re mine
Sounds dumb to me.

A “Title” Defines the relationship and it’s a natural progression

Definitions and progress to what?
…I guess Im asking, where or what is the finish line…what do you win? How do you know when you’ve “progressed” to the end?

Even if someone says you’re my girl or wife or woman that doesn’t mean she wont date or do whatever else
…it ultimately means nothing. You can say that it means they SHOULDNT do these things…but hell, they shouldn’t anyway

Why are the words “Boyfriend/girlfriend/Husband/Wife more important than a good relationship? Because those words don’t equal one

Im not opposed to having a girlfriend…and I never said I would NEVER get married (I said ‘Neve’ though lol)

Im just asking if you have a relationship in which the person treats you with kindness, respect, honor, fidelity, never strayed
Why would someone willingly leave over a word or a contract…to go gamble on the next person/relationship?

I’ve seen this with male and females so it’s not an attack…Just seems like hustling backwards to me

If someone is making me happy I will always choose to stay happy.

The question is what does the title do for you?
It’s no easy out…I will never say I don’t believe in marriage (that sounds stupid) I just don’t understand WHY people get married

Actions clearly don’t speak louder than words when the word ‘woman’ and ‘wife’ mean more than how you treat them.

The question remains to the actual relationship and interaction what does ‘girlfriend’ or ‘wife’ change?
I’ve talked to a ton of married folk and they all tell me that either the relationship has not changed at all (my theory) or that it’s turned slightly worse

salls im sayin

Titles give a “Sense of security”

Security how and to whom?

It doesn’t keep anyone from having another relationship
It doesn’t keep anyone from leaving when/if they want
What’s secure?

This is another in the mind thing with a female I feel…

In the grand scheme of things titles are useless, how a person treats and relates to you is what matters (e theory)

Im not saying im right or that anyone that opposes my thinking is wrong, I just think taking a step back and looking at things objectively… I may have a point here or there

Well I want to be able to introduce you to my friends as more than just “my friend” or “we’re kickin it”
…boundaries should be clearly defined.

communication is key

Why should it matter how you introduce someone to your friends? Who gives a damn what word they hear?…they are not in the relationship

If you introduced them as your boyfriend, then what?
If you introduced them as your friend, then what?
If you said they were your cousin, then what?

What will the friends do in any of the situations? nothing.

What boundaries?

If I like someone and Im into just them, whether they call me boyfriend, girlfriend, home skillet or that dude, Ima treat her the same and feel the same about her

If I start to feel different or if I am not into her it don’t matter what she calls me it won’t change anything I won’t be into her

Im not going to like a person more or less because of a title
Im not going to trust or distrust a person more or less because of a word

A verbal commitment does not = fidelity or security

Actions and how you treat a person helps…but even that doesn’t guarantee a thing

That’s why I say, if you find someone that treats you the way you want to be treated and you’re happy…enjoy it who knows what’s going to happen the next day

So if you found someone that treated you how you wanted to be treated, didnt cheat or stray…respected you, the sex was the bomb, was fun to be around, you had tons in common…you’d break up with them because they didnt want a title? Shidddddddddddddd

Guess that’s why Im single… (among other reasons lol)

What do I know though?…aint nobody checkin for me

…long ass post.

All that to say, you wanna be my Girlfriend? lol

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  • Elle Boogie

    I used the term boo-thang in my pre marriage years. The title is just to say this is who I am. I mean you can still be cheated on with it *shrugs*

    • Administrator

      You are indeed correct … awww boo thang tho LOL
      .. and stop reminding me you’re taken!

  • http://www.literarymarie.blogspot.com L. Marie

    I actually side with the man on this topic. Titles don’t mean a thing to me pre-marriage. Boyfriend/girlfriend seems too juvenile. Man/My Woman seems too possessive. I believe whomever I am dating should be comfortable with no titles, just know what we are to each other.

    • Administrator

      We bout to kiss! C’mere!

  • Anr2187

    This actually opened my mind. He wants a no title relationship but tells me hes not going no where. In general im scared i just dont want to be hurt.

  • beautifug

    Thanks so much for posting this. I’ve just gotten out of my (only) committed relationship after 7 years and am back in the dating game. I seen a few guys before but nothing went too far. However, I’m seeing this guy now who is committed to me in every way and treats me how I want to be treated except he refuses to “give us an official title”. I was feeling that because he doesn’t want to make his his “official girlfriend” that he is just using me as a long-term booty call and that I should leave him, but after reading your post, now I can better conceptualize the fact that he CAN care just a deeply as a boyfriend would but that he just doesn’t care to much for titles. He’s even said that: “what would a title change?”. However, I still need to work out if having no title is REALLY want I want. But your post really help me have a bit more of an open mind. Thank you.

  • Jay

    i agree with the fact that titles mean nothing, but i think its more of a a territorial thing. If you bring a female around a group of guys, they are gonna assume she is free game if she is just your friend. If thats ya “boo thang” then they know to leave that alone. Not saying they will…ninjas is grimey… but yal get where im going.

  • http://smartysworld.com Tiff

    I find this all very comical. Titles are helpful – to me. You’re right, it’s mental – for me. I say for me because with the title, I know how to treat you. I know how to act. And I can determine how far I’m willing to go. Again, this is for me and me only.

    • eclectik

      I completely understand your point, makes sense … of course it was all comical, I wrote it! I’m only serious in small intervals
      I treat people how I want and how I feel they deserve title or not LOL

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