We grew up in simpler times … times when kids could (kinda) trust people giving out candy and visiting houses (outside of their home neighborhood) … I never enjoyed Trick or Treating … as a kid I was like, let’s just buy the candy, sit at home and watch The Great Pumpkin … it’s cold out and I got school tomorrow.
And I gotta wear a costume?
See I grew up in the hard plastic mask, with the too tight rubber band held on by two staples, small breathing slit in the mouth … plastic smock for the rest of the costume era.
Not very imaginative … not a happy time.
You’d still have jeans and sneakers and a jacket on …feh.
Anyway, in my day these were the best and the worst candies you could get on Halloween … I’m sticking it to edibles, the people that give out pennies and toothbrushes should burn anyway.
THE WORST
10. Butterscotch
This also extends to the Strawberry candies and werther’s originals; bottom line is if we aren’t eating them over grandma’s house, we don’t want them for Halloween.
9. Candy Corn
Personally I like Candy Corn … there is Candy Corn back lash on social media, but even though I enjoy them … don’t give me no loose ass candy corns (or wrapped) for Halloween .. If you’re not putting that 1/4 pound bag in my bag FOH!
8. Bazooka Gum
Also the PAL gum (You’re no pal o’ mine giving me that mess) … the gum was always rock hard and if you actually got it to chew status your jaws were tired and you were ready for other candy.
7. Wax paper taffy
Those shady wrapped pieces of “taffy” they also look like salt water taffy … I don’t know, I never trusted it … and hey, if it aint Laffy it aint Taffy.
6. Raisins
THIS is why people’s homes are TP’d … those little wack ass red boxes of Sun Maid Raisins … I didn’t want them in my lunch box, and I don’t want them in my Trick o Sack
… We would throw them back at the house when the people closed the door.
5. Circus Peanuts
Seriously?
No.
4. Orange and Black peanut butter joints
Again these shady wrapped, no effort put forward treats … you’re basically saying “Eff off kids” when you give these out … parents would never give these out, only the single creepers
No kid would let their parents embarrass them with that crap.
3. Good and Plenty
Might be the worst candy in the history of candy … also might be the oldest, seriously like they made one batch in the 30’s and people are still moving that shipment. Like candy coated black licorice … the candy is chock full of sadness.
2. Any Coconut candy
Personal bias but who TF enjoys Coconut Candy? Mounds, Almond Joy, those Grandma house joints with the layers of brow, white, and pink … just anything coconut; even IF you liked coconut … even if coconut was your jam! You didn’t want that crap for Halloween
1. Fruit
Whose dumb idea was this?
Let’s put the razorblade aside
Let’s put the syringe injections aside
… Let’s even put the Who TF wants a healthy snack aside
Don’t be weighing down my Bag of snacks with big ass golden delicious apples and Tropicana oranges!
Also,
Anything homemade and wrapped … don’t give me those cinder block hard ass burnt ass cookies you made, and don’t pour out jelly beans and individually wrap them in plastic wrap
I don’t know how clean your kitchen is or what kind of awful ingredients you’ve used … kill yourself.
… I also refuse to believe that people give out Popcorn balls.
