Top 10 Worst Halloween Treats

October 7, 2014


We grew up in simpler times … times when kids could (kinda) trust people giving out candy and visiting houses (outside of their home neighborhood) … I never enjoyed Trick or Treating … as a kid I was like, let’s just buy the candy, sit at home and watch The Great Pumpkin … it’s cold out and I got school tomorrow.

And I gotta wear a costume?

See I grew up in the hard plastic mask, with the too tight rubber band held on by two staples, small breathing slit in the mouth … plastic smock for the rest of the costume era.
Not very imaginative … not a happy time.

You’d still have jeans and sneakers and a jacket on …feh.

Anyway, in my day these were the best and the worst candies you could get on Halloween … I’m sticking it to edibles, the people that give out pennies and toothbrushes should burn anyway.


10. Butterscotch


This also extends to the Strawberry candies and werther’s originals; bottom line is if we aren’t eating them over grandma’s house, we don’t want them for Halloween.

9. Candy Corn


Personally I like Candy Corn … there is Candy Corn back lash on social media, but even though I enjoy them … don’t give me no loose ass candy corns (or wrapped) for Halloween .. If you’re not putting that 1/4 pound bag in my bag FOH!

8. Bazooka Gum


Also the PAL gum (You’re no pal o’ mine giving me that mess) … the gum was always rock hard and if you actually got it to chew status your jaws were tired and you were ready for other candy.

7. Wax paper taffy


Those shady wrapped pieces of “taffy” they also look like salt water taffy … I don’t know, I never trusted it … and hey, if it aint Laffy it aint Taffy.

6. Raisins


THIS is why people’s homes are TP’d … those little wack ass red boxes of Sun Maid Raisins … I didn’t want them in my lunch box, and I don’t want them in my Trick o Sack
… We would throw them back at the house when the people closed the door.

5. Circus Peanuts



4. Orange and Black peanut butter joints

halloween kisses

Again these shady wrapped, no effort put forward treats … you’re basically saying “Eff off kids” when you give these out … parents would never give these out, only the single creepers
No kid would let their parents embarrass them with that crap.

3. Good and Plenty


Might be the worst candy in the history of candy … also might be the oldest, seriously like they made one batch in the 30’s and people are still moving that shipment. Like candy coated black licorice … the candy is chock full of sadness.

2. Any Coconut candy


Personal bias but who TF enjoys Coconut Candy? Mounds, Almond Joy, those Grandma house joints with the layers of brow, white, and pink … just anything coconut; even IF you liked coconut … even if coconut was your jam! You didn’t want that crap for Halloween

1. Fruit


Whose dumb idea was this?
Let’s put the razorblade aside
Let’s put the syringe injections aside
… Let’s even put the Who TF wants a healthy snack aside
Don’t be weighing down my Bag of snacks with big ass golden delicious apples and Tropicana oranges!

Anything homemade and wrapped … don’t give me those cinder block hard ass burnt ass cookies you made, and don’t pour out jelly beans and individually wrap them in plastic wrap
I don’t know how clean your kitchen is or what kind of awful ingredients you’ve used … kill yourself.


… I also refuse to believe that people give out Popcorn balls.

Top 10 BEST Halloween Treats

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  • Jason G

    You’ve got some of the same from my list in USF. I’m torn about the coconut. Mounds were great and an Almond Joy was one or two spits away from being a Mounds. Those multi colored squares were awful though. Was like taking a bite out of a sweater.

    Good and Plenty are just remanufactured black jelly beans from easter, at least that’s my theory.

    I’ll eat that salt water taffy all day. Just gotta know your flavors.

    Baking cookies was just lazy. Trick or treat wasn’t a bake sale. Candy, people. Candy.

    The comics at least made up for the bazooka Joe gum. Plus you could save them and send in to buy like a T-shirt or something. Double bubble was hardened silly putty. Should’ve came with a 30 second stopwatch to time when to pop in the piece.

    • @eclectik

      I didnt know you did a list until now … great minds.
      Coconut is just bad
      I like the theory … Good and Plenty should be destroyed
      Not only is baking lazy … the big bag of candy broken down into individual wrapped is irresponsible

      PAL gum was the worst

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